Whatever you’re doing inside of me
It feels like chaos somehow there’s peace
It’s hard to surrender to what I can’t see
but I’m giving in to something heavenly
Whatever you’re doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but I believe
You’re up to something bigger than me
Larger than life something heavenly

This song is my anthem right now. Everything going on right now, especially emotionally, feels like absolute chaos. I am definitely not in control, and though I hate it, God loves it. I’m finally learning what it feels like to give over control to the One who knows what’s best for me. It feels like falling. It feels like losing touch. It feels like chaos. And it’s exhilarating. It’s breath-taking. It’s marvelous. And now that I’ve tasted it, I can’t get enough. I can’t let go now. I can’t turn around. I can’t leave the One who is enamored with me. The One who I am betrothed to. The One who has taken my life into His hands. His hands that are firm. His hands that are sure. His hands that will never let me go. And I can’t turn around. And I can’t give up. And I can’t turn my back. This is it. This is what I live for. This is what I desire. This, this feeling. This reality. This loss of control. This, chaos. This chaos that has consumed me. This consuming fire. This refiner’s fire. It is what I longed for. And now that I am in it, I’m not getting out. I’m not giving up. I’m not going to run. So, whatever you’re doing, inside of me. It feels like chaos, but it, too, makes me free.

Christ the King.