It’s scary that I felt it. Felt anything at all. I’m not trying to hurt you, as if that matters at all. I know it’s not your intent, I start and pause and hush, but there’s just no words that capture the fear of fear I fear so much. What are you afraid of? What are you running from? You’re 24, you’re loads of fun, with starlight in your eyes. What could be the worst that’s happened in those eyes that keep me blind?

You don’t want to know, replies the little girl within. And I’m shielding much more from you than my lightly tingling skin. Like nails on a chalkboard was your guess, it wasn’t wrong. But there’s no more chalk in my eye line and I sing a different song. Like, why can’t I be open? And why can’t I let you see? What could possibly be so wrong in letting you know me? But the fear has happened, the fear is real. And with it in the picture, there’s no me to reveal.

I’ve gotta let someone in. Someone’s gotta know. Though you patiently waited in line, there’s no more tickets to the show. I want closure. Something final. Something gained. At least a kiss. But there’s no closing that door now, through a window went that mist. I so wish you were here now, you have no idea just how. But I don’t see that happening, not any time near now. Wow. How much fun you were. How tenacious and how kind. I’m excited to meet the one that’s yours, since you couldn’t be mine.

I’m sorry my fear kept you from going in. But I’m shielding much more from you, than my soft, smooth skin.